Meet Gary the Gargoyle (A Sneak Peek from Utter Nonsense)

Tomorrow is one of my sacred writing days. The kettle will be working overtime, keyboards will be plugged in, and nonsense will no doubt find its way onto the page.

In the meantime, I thought I’d share a little something from my upcoming poetry collection, Utter Nonsense. Meet Gary: a grumpy gargoyle with no patience for your lunchtime gawking.

Gary the Gargoyle

Gary is a gargoyle, 

And he doesn’t like your face. 

He says you’re gawking at him, 

And that’s really not your place. 

He’s got a bloody job to do, 

And all you do is leer. 

He caught four demons just last week, 

You didn’t even cheer. 

He looked after the masonry, 

Encouraged folks inside, 

But not for you, you pervy git, 

Standing there petrified. 

He said you’ve gone there every day, 

Whilst you eat your lunch, 

"If you want to visit all the time, 

Consider growing a hunch."

Coz’ if you come to stare at him, 

He can’t go do his job. 

He has to stay all still and stuff, 

So he just thinks you’re a knob. 

So take your sandwich elsewhere,

Stop loitering on the square,

He’s got a church to safeguard,

And the devil's in the air. “If I should catch you one more time,"

The grumpy Gary said,

“I’ve got the perfect corner, 

To mount your stupid head.”

Gary has quickly become one of my favourite ridiculous creations, and he’ll be perching proudly in Utter Nonsense when it’s ready for release.

More oddballs to come soon. Until then, please don’t stare at the gargoyles.